What that darn book, "What to expect when you're expecting" doesn't tell you is that you become this entirely different person after the birth of your child. You transform---or at least I know I did. They also don't tell you how much your body really---and I mean REALLY---changes. Even your female friends who have already been through the process wont tell you the raw and real truths of having a post-baby body.
In my case I have a post-babies body. Three bundles of pure joy in four years. I don't regret any of it. They were meant to be here as much as I am meant to be their mama. And yes I still look at them in awe thinking to myself, "Are they really mine?", "Did I really do that?". The responsibility of motherhood is an intense and love-filled responsibility that I take very seriously. I am by no means a perfect mama and I do not in anyway want to shrive for perfection.
I do however strive to be a better person and a better mom. Every night I tell myself tomorrow is another day to do things differently or to try something different. There's so much learning that happens in this house it should be called "La Escuela de (my last name)" or "The (my last name) School".
I guess it doesn't help that I am a former teacher but you see I taught high school girls not pre-school children so I have been learning so much! They are all so different and its so much fun to watch them learn things...ahhh I digress...was losing myself in thoughts of their cuteness. Its happens sometimes----okay many times.
How does a mama get her sexy back after having a child or children? I don't know all the answers but on this journey I have learned so far that you need to recognize the things that made you feel sexy before you had children. In my case I have honestly never felt sexy before. I wasn't the kind of girl who walked around in revealing outfits and hoping to get attention from everyone. I have known plenty of people like that-great people too, the just oozed sexualtiy, alas but its just not me!
I tend to look down a lot not because I have low self-esteem, I look down because I have to be careful where I walk. Because of my disability I can trip over just about anything, even with my supports on. People sometimes take that as a sign that someone may not feel good about themselves-not the case over here.
I have never liked too much attention on myself probably for two reasons; one being I was the weird girl who didn't have a mother and the other being I was the weird girl who walked on her toes. Who wants to be seen as weird? Yeah not a kid. Kids just want to be seen as the kid they are and nothing else attached to them.
I have said this before and its true, I felt my sexiest when carrying my three children. I am not saying I wasn't tired or cranky or in desperate need of sleep but dammit I felt like a Goddess!
At 40wks and about to pop with my first child~2007
My last day carrying my son at 39 weeks~2009
Trick or Treating with my babies.
I was contracting the whole time.
I was 39 weeks with my papito~2010
The hope I have for myself is that through the process of being in front of the lens I can find the sexy that's been hidden in me my whole life. I have always yearned to express myself in front of the camera but just didn't think I could do it.
What is the difference between now and then you may be wondering? Well I do think that having had my children has made me feel very accomplished. So basically I feel like what do I have to lose? I have whats most important and what I have always wanted. Its time to give a little back to me and celebrate myself. In doing so I know that my family will not only be proud of me but also might even be inspired to go after their dreams or to make new dreams like I am doing.
Most people have found it strange that I have only felt sexy while pregnant but then again most don't know my story. Plus in many ways I'm still the weird girl but the only difference is this weird girl is learning to embrace what she has, mourn for what she doesn't have, and dares to be in front of the camera---post-babies and all!!!