In just six short months I have learned so much and gained a great deal of personal insight, but I never thought I would have to face my fears or accept the things I need to accept. Basically, this journey into vintage that I began in full throttle in June 2011 has lead me to places inside of myself that I really had no clue that I would have to acknowledge. Who knew that delving into a passionate hobby like this would lead me to such places? I know I didn't know. Not at all.
I have come to realize that I have to acknowledge my personal limitations but instead of feeling sad that I can't do certain things, just find ways to do the things I can do. For example, I booked and planned a photo shoot in May 2012 with a fabulous photographer but after a while I realized that I can't just get up and do whatever I want when I want to. Why? Because I don't work and because I am the primary caretaker to my three children. Is this a bad thing? NO! I am happy to be there for my babies and tend to their every need. Being a mother especially a stay at home mother has been enriching and a blessing. I get to kiss every boo-boo and dry every tear--I would NOT have it any other way. But that's just me.
My reality is different than a lot of other mothers and even stay at home mothers because not only do I not have an income but I have a husband (amazing one at that) that works literally everyday of the week at two separate jobs. We also have only one car that is about eleven years old and about to fall apart any minute now. And...our car only fits two of the kids....soooo because I don't have enough money on hand for myself, because I barely get out into the world, and because we always struggle trying to get our things done in a small amount of time...I have many limitations that are placed on me. This had led me to truly come to grips that this is my life as it is NOW.
I made a tough decision and canceled that photo shoot and through the encouragement of a close friend of mine I joined Model Mayhem and already found a fantastic photographer named Jodie to work with. I have two shoots coming up and YES I am totally excited and hopeful that they will turn out fabulous.
My husband asked me a great question-"What do you want to do with this vintage stuff?" Honestly, it was a hard question to answer but I think now I know. I want to show other women ( and yes the world) that a mother of three, with lint in her pockets for money, and a disability can not only be beautiful but also be successful at what she sets out to do for herself.
I am becoming more aware of my limitations and have been swallowing the pill of brokeness (being broke lol) and moving on with things. I want to feel good about this new mama body I have and learn how to embrace the changes in it and in my face especially. I had no idea that motherhood would change so many things about my physical self but it has. I want to feel pretty in clothes again and I want to rock my vintage style.
I want to be able to have my inner and physical beauty captured in photos and feel like a glamorous old Hollywood movie star. And why the heck not? I spend my days giving to those I love, I need to give back to myself. I NEED to give back to myself. Blogging has also allowed me to connect with others but most importantly it has allowed me to keep my brain cells from decaying into reruns of "Yo Gabba Gabba" and "Sesame Street". I love those shows but I just needed an outlet to allow me to continue thinking and being creative.
My life won't always be this way--its changing all the time and as my children grow our family will be changing as well. I am so pleased that I can have such a beautiful hobby to be passionate about. And better still to have a small but dedicated support team always cheering me on and believing in me. They know who they are and to them I say Thank you!
So that's the gist of me, this is where I am in my life. Those are the things I want for myself. And now I know better than I did before that this adventure I am on I must take it very, very slowly. I have my days filled with diapers to change, playdoh to play with, and pre-k homework to do. But that does not mean that I can't be a successful vintage blogger, vintage model, or vintage fashionista. It just means that the road I am on to getting there will be take a whole lot slower than most of the other gals in the vintage world.
I do hope that you will all stick by me as I try to figure it all out and learn all of these techniques. I hope that my journey will inspire you. That you can be many things and still celebrate the beauty that is YOU. That is my quest-simply to celebrate myself and do it the old fashioned way!
The breath-taking Audrey Hepburn was once quoted in saying, "As you grow older, you will discover that you have two hands, one for helping yourself, the other for helping others." January 24th I will be a year older and a year wiser.
As I help myself along this journey I hope I can help others.
********All images are from Anne Taintor designs-love her stuff!!*********