Monday, March 25, 2013

Screaming on the inside

Last week I shared with you all my latest journey in life. I waited six days to hear from my doctor and finally after three phone calls and lots of asking for my results....I have them.

First thing she said was, "there is no cancer" See, thing is after being a nervous wreck all week by the time the weekend came I did some reflection and realized that whatever the results are going to be there is nothing I can do to immediately change them. They will be what they will be. But I also came to the conclusion that I needed some answers in order to move to the next step. I wasn't going to allow a nonexistent phone call deter me from my goal. Hence why I kept calling.

So, cancer. But it didn't phase me-I don't know why. She continued to speak and told me the biopsy shows that I have abnormal cells. I can feel a small mass on the corner of my right breast, so that makes sense to me. Although I wonder to myself, "does abnormal cells mean that this is going to progress ultimately to something else?" It's a good question I think. I also think I have to do my own personal research.

The plan of action to take is that I will go for a MRI (finally) and afterwards I will be scheduled to have surgery on my breast to remove any of the abnormalities. Ugh. I say "ugh" because I have already had three foot surgeries, three c-sections, and numerous other procedures. At this moment the thought of more needles and being put under makes me sigh deeply. 

I have to say after I heard this news, I realized I had so few people to call to share it. My husband was the first, then my dad, then my brother's girlfriend, left a message for a childhood friend, then Brittany of course, lastly sent a quick email to my friend Nick. Then it also hit me that I have all of you to share this with. I find such great comfort in the relationships and friendships that have been created all because we are fascinated with another time in history. 

I want to thank you all, my vintage sisters, for being there when even friends that I have known for dozens of years have not been. For simply sharing kind words and votes of confidence in me. I don't know how to yet feel about this news. I am grateful and concerned and tired of worrying. And yet I almost feel like I am screaming inside. I cannot scream out loud because I won't want to wake the babies but I wish could. Until I can...I will keep my screams quiet, my worries to a minimal, and make sure this plan of action continues to move along its course.

Thank you all again, much hugs, Bunny xox


  1. I'm so glad for you! Take care.

    XXXOOO Melissa

  2. Yay!!!!! Having had so many lumps removed I understand how you feel. Hugs!!!!

  3. You are very blessed not to have cancer. I know abnormal cells can be scary from its androgynous term, but at least you are getting it taken care of. And the term "abnormal cells" just means they are not normal - think of the human body and how many ailments and illnesses it can have. The vast majority of them are NOT life threatening. The same goes for this. Your doctor is doing the right thing by doing the MRI and scheduling the surgery. I have had numerous surgeries in my life (and I know you have as well), and it really is not a big deal anymore as it used to be in days gone by. And think about it - you will be able to take care of the root cause right at the source. Nothing really more final than that! Not only are you taking care of yourself, but you are taking care of your family. Your life is just as important as the President or the Pope :-)

    I am SO glad to hear that there is no cancer, and there is a game plan for the abnormal cells. You know I am ALWAYS here to talk or gripe to, no matter what!


    Veronica Vintage

    1. I was hoping to get your medical imput Holly!!! Oh thank you soooo much! Reading those words actually made me feel a bit better about it all. And I am grateful. Gotta live so I can be around to yell at these lil monkeys and keep them on the straight path heheeh Thank you mama-besos!

  4. What a good news, dear! I was really worrying about you! Take care!


  5. I am beyond happy for your wonderful news, B. I'm doing the happy dance right now.

  6. This is such good news Bunny! The good thing is that you are getting the information you need. Now, you can do some more research and understand. I think you should take a nice big sigh of relief!

  7. Dear Bunny, know that you and your family have been in our prayers and will continue to be in our thoughts and prayers. I am quite relieved to hear that it's not cancer, but to have another surgery, I'm sorry that you have to through this. :::hugs:::

  8. Compared to all you've been through, this proceedure will be very minor. Keeping you in thoughts and prayers!

  9. Oh my goodness, I missed what you were going through from your last post. I'm so glad to hear you that you don't have cancer, but it sounds like you still have a lot to go through. Remember you can ALWAYS share with our blogging friends!! We are here for you! *hugs*

  10. I'm so happy the results came back cancer-free! I hope the surgery goes smoothly. Good luck, Bunny dear!


  11. That's so good to read! Take good care of yourself and everyone around you.

  12. I admire your courage to share this with us. Stay strong and I hope all goes well!

  13. phew! huge sigh of relief but i can understand the inner scream needing to burst out. breath deep , give in to praise and meditattion. i pray you will feel more centered and grounded and ready for the MRI.

  14. Thank you everyone! And Rebecca you are so right-I hope I am too!! xox

  15. Hi Bunny,
    Oh how I know that feeling. You will be fine. You've got so many people that care and will pray for you. I've had four C-sections and back in January surgery for two grapefruit sized tumors which had to be removed plus a hysterectomy. I now look like a patchwork quilt with my scars! I was scared, but I got through it. My husband was wonderful as well as my friends. You've got that too, plus all of your readers who adore you!

  16. I read this a few days ago on my phone but since I rarely look at blogs from there, I wasn't sure how to comment. But I wanted to come back and let you know that I am so relieved and joyful that you are going to be okay. I know it was such a heart-wrenching and frightening period for you. And while you're still in the unknown about this situation, at least you know you're going to be okay. That's what matters most.

    I love you!!

  17. Dearest Bunny, I'm truly sorry that you've had to endure such a stressful, nerve racking medical ordeal as of late and that surgery looms on the horizon for you. While I've not faced what you're going through, I'm no stranger to major health problems, surgery, and stressful test results, and want you to know that I am always, always here if you need to talk about anything at all (shoulders, earring, you name it, if I've got it, it's there for you).

    ♥ Jessica

  18. So glad that you were negative for cancer, but Im sorry you still have to go through more testing. I know having abnormal cells can be just as stressful and scary. You are in my thoughts and prayers. Stay strong and know that we are all here for you anytime you need us. {(HUGS)}

  19. What a relief it must be to know it's not cancer! I hope that things will go smoothly from here on out.

  20. Bunny,
    I have to say that I am so indignant for you- how horrible to have to wait so long for the results. grrrr.
    But hooray for the non- cancer news, that at least is GOOD. As for the rest, well Holly said it best :)
    In the meantime, have a lovely Easter with your family, and hold those babies closer (good loving hugs really help when you feel unstable ;))


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